Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in the victim's mind. The abuser may deny things that have happened, contradict the victim's memories, or trivialize the victim's feelings in order to make the victim question their own reality.
Gaslighting can be very damaging to the victim's mental health, and it can be difficult to recognize and respond to.
Some of the most common gaslighting techniques
Denial
The gaslighter denies things that have happened, even when there is evidence to support the victim's memory. For example, the gaslighter might deny saying something hurtful, even if the victim has a recording of them saying it.
2
Contradiction
The gaslighter contradicts the victim's memories, telling them that they are misremembering things. For example, the gaslighter might tell the victim that they never had a conversation about something important, even if the victim has clear memories of the conversation.
3
Trivialization
The gaslighter trivializes the victim's feelings, telling them that they are overreacting or being too sensitive. For example, the gaslighter might tell the victim that they are being dramatic or that they need to toughen up.
4
Blaming
The gaslighter blames the victim for their own behavior, saying that the victim is provoking them or making them angry. For example, the gaslighter might lash out at the victim verbally or physically, but then turn around and blame the victim for their behavior.
5
Isolation
The gaslighter isolates the victim from their friends and family, so that the victim has no one to turn to for support. They may do this by making negative comments about the victim's friends and family, or by trying to control who the victim sees and talks to.
6
Making the victim feel crazy
The gaslighter makes the victim feel crazy or insane, by telling them that they are imagining things or that they are mentally ill. For example, the gaslighter might tell the victim that they are paranoid or that they are making things up.
In addition to these common gaslighting techniques, abusers may also use other tactics to manipulate and control their victims. For example, they may use guilt-tripping, threats, or violence to keep their victims in line.
How to identify gaslighting
Gaslighting can be difficult to identify, especially if you are in the middle of an abusive relationship.
However, there are some signs that you may be experiencing gaslighting, such as:
You constantly feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner.
You second-guess your own thoughts and feelings.
You feel like you are losing your mind.
You start to believe that you are the crazy one.
You feel isolated and alone.
You have trouble trusting your own judgment.
If you are experiencing any of these signs, it is important to talk to someone you trust about what is happening. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or other mental health professional. They can help you to understand what is happening and to develop strategies for coping with it.
How to deal with gaslighting
If you are experiencing gaslighting, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and there is help available. Here are some tips for dealing with gaslighting:
Talk to someone you trust.
It is important to have someone to talk to about what you are going through. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or other mental health professional.
Keep a journal.
Keeping a journal can help you to track the gaslighter's behavior and to see how it is affecting you. This can be helpful if you decide to leave the relationship and need to file for divorce or custody.
Set boundaries.
It is important to set boundaries with the gaslighter. This means letting them know what behavior you will and will not tolerate. It is also important to enforce these boundaries. If the gaslighter crosses a boundary, remind them of the boundary and walk away if necessary.
Seek professional help.
A therapist can help you to understand what is happening and to develop strategies for coping with it. They can also help you to develop a plan for leaving the relationship if you decide that is what you want to do.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and there is help available.