Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in the victim's mind. The abuser may deny things that have happened, contradict the victim's memories, or trivialize the victim's feelings in order to make the victim question their own reality.
Gaslighting can be devastating for the victim, as it can erode their self-confidence, make them feel isolated and alone, and even lead to mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.
Some signs that you may be experiencing gaslighting:
Your partner denies things that have happened, even when there is evidence to support your memory. For example, you may remember them saying or doing something hurtful, but they deny it ever happened.
Your partner contradicts your memories, telling you that you are misremembering things. For example, you may remember having a conversation about something important, but they tell you that you never had that conversation.
Your partner trivializes your feelings, telling you that you are overreacting or being too sensitive. For example, you may feel hurt or upset by something they said or did, but they tell you that you are being too dramatic or that you need to toughen up.
Your partner blames you for their own behavior, saying that you are provoking them or making them angry. For example, they may lash out at you verbally or physically, but then turn around and blame you for their behavior.
Your partner isolates you from your friends and family, so that you have no one to turn to for support. They may do this by making negative comments about your friends and family, or by trying to control who you see and talk to.
Your partner makes you feel crazy or insane, by telling you that you are imagining things or that you are mentally ill. For example, they may tell you that you are paranoid or that you are making things up.
If you are experiencing any of these signs, it is important to talk to someone you trust about what is happening. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or other mental health professional. They can help you to understand what is happening and to develop strategies for coping with it.
Some additional signs of gaslighting.
You constantly apologize, even when you know you haven't done anything wrong.
You second-guess your own thoughts and feelings.
You feel like you're always walking on eggshells around your partner.
You feel like you're losing your mind.
You start to believe that you're the crazy one.
You feel isolated and alone.
You have trouble trusting your own judgment.
If you are experiencing any of these signs, it is important to seek help. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and it can have serious consequences for your mental health.
How to cope with gaslighting
If you are experiencing gaslighting, there are a few things you can do to cope.
1
Talk to someone you trust.
It is important to have someone to talk to about what you are going through. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or other mental health professional.
2
Keep a journal.
Keeping a journal can help you to track the gaslighter's behavior and to see how it is affecting you. This can be helpful if you decide to leave the relationship and need to file for divorce or custody.
3
Set boundaries.
It is important to set boundaries with the gaslighter. This means letting them know what behavior you will and will not tolerate. It is also important to enforce these boundaries. If the gaslighter crosses a boundary, remind them of the boundary and walk away if necessary.
4
Seek professional help.
A therapist can help you to understand what is happening and to develop strategies for coping with it. They can also help you to develop a plan for leaving the relationship if you decide that is what you want to do.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and there is help available.